Last Christmas morning, among other things, we opened the following letter:
December 24, 2013
Dearest Salisbury Family,
You’ve been adopted! A sweet family of pfelves has selected your family to live among. They asked me to deliver a few items to prepare for their arrival. While I don’t know precisely when the little family will arrive, you’ll be meeting them soon.
Have you ever met a pfelf? Well, I’ve left a brief history of pfelves for you to study. Please do write if you have any concerns.
Love,
S. Claus
Apparently, Santa heard that we were looking for an alternative to Elf on the Shelf. And he really delivered!
Why an alternative? Well, it really boils down to my own limitations. I am not invested in scheming tricks and antics, no matter how well-intentioned. I am totally creeped out by the notion of a doll watching me and coming to life while I’m asleep. I don’t understand the concept of being good because someone is watching. And, to round out the matter, I’m (for better or worse) simply not interested in overcoming these limitations.
The pfelves get their name from these words: Project Fruitfulness Elves. The purpose of pfelves is to encourage acts that grow the fruit of the Spirit. Our pfelves live in a tree stump in our school room. Sometimes they help us study or play but mostly they help us remember the fruit of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Pfelves didn’t invent the fruit of the Spirit, the God of the Bible did. These fruits are what Christians are called to cultivate, though I’m a firm believer that the fruits are 100% applicable across the board of mankind.
Perhaps a Pfelf or two will come your way this season. If so, I want to share with you the brief history of pfelves that Santa shared with us, as well as a few handy documents to get you started on the right foot.
Anything else you need to know about pfelves can be found below. Happiest of holidays no matter your elf! 
I have it on good authority that little elves, like the ones pictured above, can be found for adoption here and their tree trunk home can be obtained here.