For several years, I committed to a theme for the year, usually a word or phrase that was meant to help me refocus as the year wore on. This year, I have two themes. One is Suspense.
I’ve never been very skilled in suspense. In writing, I am often too eager to tell the story to build suspense in the first draft. In life, I want to know the ending even more.
It’s tempting to say that my nature is to skip to the end, but I think it’s more habit than anything else. I do have a tendency to prefer a negative-outcome answer today over waiting for any answer to come later. As you might imagine, this tendency serves me poorly.
Partly, I’m action-oriented when problems arise. I jump into problem-solving mode, even when no one asks. I move swiftly and want everyone else to move at my speed. So, when someone shares their problem with me, my immediate response is to fix it.
Brainstorm. Plan. Commit. Act. In quick succession. As you might imagine, this tendency serves everyone poorly.
It’s not all bad. There are seasons when dispensing with suspense have helped me anticipate, pivot, and remediate. Though I’m not sure it’s ever been all that good for the people in my sphere, who want to share their problems without receiving a solution, much less a full blown strategic battle plan.
You see, it’s not that I think faster than others or that I think better than others. It’s that I do not want to hold the gap between right now and the future. The gap is an uncomfortable place for me. Patience is, of course, vital, but suspense is crucial.
Suspense is highly regarded in the art of storytelling. The object is to suspend the audience between what they know about the story and each new element until the end.
Suspense is no easier than patience, but the aim is different. Where patience tries to tame emotional responses to external conflict, suspense tries to tame emotional responses to internal conflict.
Suspense is dynamically and willingly holding the gap forever while allowing the universe to reveal, in its own way and in its own time, whether and how things work or work out. So here I am, in the gap.